Fugu

Sep. 5th, 2011 09:50 am
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[personal profile] sc0urge
Yesterday afternoon I received a phone call asking if I could take a night shift in the haunted mansion. I said I couldn't, though that was maybe a slight exaggeration of my obligation to go back to my dorm to obtain free food and participate in orientation games. I kind of think I might have been better off doing the zombie shift, actually - while the airbrush makeup isn't exactly kind to skin, it has yet to do any worse than cause a few spots here and there. The intriguing things dorm advisers can devise to promote team spirit, on the other hand...

Picture a field of slightly manky grass. This field has two rows of water bottles lined up along it, with a gutted paper shopping bag piled with cotton balls at the end. There are two teams of three victims. These three must slather their faces with Vaseline, tie a banana on a string between their legs, and then proceed to run up to a water bottle, hip-thrust it down with the banana, then faceplant into the cotton for five seconds in an attempt to collect as many cotton balls as possible before running back to the start while trying to retain all their sweet loot.

I was undoubtedly the most successful of my team at collecting cotton, but this correlated with having the most slimy face beforehand, and the most fuzzy face thereafter. Wads of toilet paper were not readily available, so I made a very intelligent and resourceful decision and just rubbed my face in the spiky, manky grass.

Stupid stupid dumb.

Toilet paper arrived shortly after, which meant I could clean all the little blades of grass off my face if not completely ablute myself of grease. Too little, too late, I would soon discover, as the vile claws of the grassy host would make their venomous fire known upon my tender, greased visage.

Even a proper washing with face soap and scrubbing the hell out of my skin with a big fuzzy towel proved utterly fruitless. And this is why I was forced to retire about four hours earlier than usual for some utterly excellent sleep (silver sandwich) because I could no longer use my eyes on the computer screen. Unfortunately, I appear to still be a slightly speckly pufferfish, but I'm sure that will eventually resolve itself.

I hope.

And now, clothes and breakfast.

ETA: Also hey, guess who's three floors below me! Hey Figwidgeon!
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